i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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