I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
