She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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