Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
