Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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