Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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