No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
