When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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