omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i think my cat just said my name.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...