we have officially lost it.
Small penises have feelings too.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"