In the future we'll all be gay
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility