Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks