Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
