I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
