This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
