We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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