if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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