dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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