1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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