What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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