So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
