I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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