I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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