I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
