dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
