there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
