you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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