So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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