You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
