You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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