i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it because I queefed?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
