I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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