seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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