I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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