If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
