There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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