Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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