I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
