This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
