apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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