You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
