the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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