See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
