The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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