Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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