i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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