I have demons in me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
