she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
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He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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