So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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