I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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