can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
