You smell like a Billy Joel song
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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