Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
