i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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