Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
