Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
