the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
