We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
