You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
