ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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