need another drink. this is the easiest way
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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