I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
