i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
