he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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