ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
