My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
