i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
kristin has been a bad kristin
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
COCAINE IS GR8
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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